Forever feelings.

I miss you

And it's killing me not being in your life.

You were my best friend and I loved you and I wanted nothing more than for you to be happy.

That's all I've ever wanted for you.

It's been so long since we've last engaged in conversation, especially one without arguing.

I sometimes wonder how different my life would be if I would've stopped you from leaving that day.

If I would have sat in that car on that backroad and leaned forward to meet you halfway.

If I would've metaphorically told everyone who doubted us to screw themselves by indulging in that one forbidden kiss. 

If I would have told you how I felt. The real way I felt. 

But I did none of those things.

Instead, I let you drop me off.

I let you let me go, without a fight.

We should have fought, kicking and screaming, for what we wanted.

If given the chance, I would. I'd fight until there was nothing left but you and I and that perfect plan we came up with.

Our wishful thinking.

You, the engineer. Me, the chef.

Our little house we designed, complete with my dream kitchen and wrap around porch.

But that never happened.

Fear won that day. 

We were both so young and so, so afraid.

Afraid of those feelings for one another.

Afraid of what would happen to our friendship once those feelings were out in the open.

I believe that, for the rest of my life, and probably in the afterlife, a part of my heart will forever be yours.

There's no doubt in my mind that we let our fear of the unknown stagger into our subconscious thoughts and eat away at every reason we should be together and replaced them with reasons why we shouldn't.

We found excuses, fought over empty reasons to be mad, said things that we couldn't take back, and walked out of each others lives so easily I thought that maybe I hadn't fell for you.

But then the dreams started.

The nightmares, more precisely.

You, everywhere I went. 

Haunting me.

Reminding me.

Teasing me of a love lost by an irrational fear of nothing.

I believe we would have been good for one another. We were in the short time that I called you mine, as much mine as you could've been.

I wanted you.

A part of me undoubtedly always will.

We were star crossed lovers in our own story, but unlike most books, this one won't have the ending everyone hopes for.

We'll move on, grow up.

Find someone else.

Possibly get married, settle down, have a few kids.

Then maybe, one day out of the blue, we'll cross paths, and I hope that when that day comes we can smile at each other and know that our love has held on throughout all of these years and that, while we are happy with the lives we have chosen, there will always be the untold story, that is ours and ours alone.

Because those that love us never really leave us.

You certainly haven't.